Planning a humanist funeral: a gentle guide
Nobody plans a funeral with a clear head, and you shouldn't have to. This is the short, practical version of what I tell families on the phone — enough to take the next step, no more.
First: you don't need anything ready
Families sometimes delay calling because they "haven't sorted the music" or don't know what they want yet. You don't need to. The shape of the ceremony comes out of one good conversation. Your funeral director handles the practical arrangements; I handle the words and the day itself; you only need to bring the person to the conversation.
The family meeting
I'll come to you — usually at home, usually with a few of you around a table. I'll ask about their life: where they grew up, what they did, what they were like across a kitchen table, the stories everyone tells and the things only you know. It takes an hour or so, and families almost always say afterwards that it helped — grief loosens when the stories start.
Music, readings and voices
Three pieces of music is the usual rhythm — in, reflection, out — and the right music is whatever is true to them. Readings can be poems, letters, or a few lines a grandchild wrote. If family members want to speak, I'll support them — and I always hold a copy, so if the moment is too much, I step in and their words are still heard.
The tribute — and your say over every word
From that meeting I write the tribute in full and send it to you before the day. You can change anything. On the day I arrive early, liaise with the funeral director and venue, and lead the ceremony so that your only job is to be with your people.
Whenever you're ready: my funerals page, or email johnpaul.fitzpatrick@humanism.scot — or simply ask your funeral director to book John Paul Fitzpatrick, Humanist Society Scotland.