Why Funeral Pre-Planning Matters: A Humanist Perspective

March 18, 2024
8:12 pm

Pre-planning a funeral can significantly reduce the stress and decision-making burdens for grieving families, offering calm and peace during challenging times ^[1]. Humanist funerals, emphasizing the life lived and the relationships formed without religious elements, provide a personalised way to celebrate an individual’s life, aligning with humanist values that cherish each life as unique and valuable ^[1]^[2]^[3]. They can be conducted in various locations, such as crematoria, woodland burial sites, or even at home, making funeral pre-planning an adaptable process that caters to the final wishes of the deceased ^[1].

The act of pre-planning with a humanist celebrant involves outlining the structure of the ceremony and choosing elements like readings, poems, music, and attire, which helps ensure that the funeral service genuinely reflects the deceased’s personality and values ^[1]^[2]. This process not only relieves the immediate family from the pressure of arranging a funeral but also ensures costs are managed and the funeral plan aligns with estate planning efforts, providing a dignified farewell grounded in reason and common humanity ^[1]^[2]^[4].

Understanding Humanist Funerals

Humanist funerals stand out as non-religious ceremonies that deeply focus on celebrating the life and legacy of the deceased, grounded in humanist values that emphasize individuality and the significance of human connections ^[2] ^[3]. These ceremonies are characterized by their flexibility in location, allowing them to be conducted in a variety of settings including crematoria, cemeteries, green burial sites, or even more personal venues like a family home, making them highly adaptable to the wishes of the deceased and their loved ones ^[1] ^[3].

Key Features of Humanist Funerals:

Non-Religious Nature: Centered around humanist beliefs, these ceremonies exclude religious content, focusing instead on the life, relationships, and impact of the deceased ^[6].
Celebrant-Led: A humanist celebrant, who aligns with humanist values, tailors the service to fit the unique personality and wishes of the deceased, offering a personalized ceremony that can include various elements such as music, readings, and reflections ^[7] ^[8] ^[12].
Personal and Meaningful: The heart of a humanist funeral is the tribute section, often lasting up to 15 minutes, which sincerely and affectionately pays homage to the deceased’s life and the connections they forged. This is followed by time for reflection, the committal, and closing words of thanks, all of which contribute to a ceremony that is both personal and fitting ^[9] ^[12].

The growing popularity of humanist funerals underscores a significant shift towards more personal and non-religious ceremonies. With over 1 million attendees at humanist funerals in England alone, it’s evident that many are seeking ceremonies that genuinely reflect the life and values of their loved ones, free from traditional religious constraints ^[3]. Humanist funerals offer a meaningful alternative, allowing families and friends to celebrate the life of the deceased in a manner that is most appropriate and comforting for them, whether that be through traditional elements or a more bespoke approach ^[11] ^[3].

The Value of Pre-Planning

Pre-planning a funeral, particularly from a humanist perspective, brings numerous benefits that extend beyond the immediate alleviation of stress for grieving families. Here’s a closer look at the value of pre-planning, highlighting its significance:

Ease for Loved Ones: Pre-planning a funeral ceremony with a humanist celebrant simplifies the process for those left behind, ensuring that the final wishes of the deceased are known and respected. This preparation allows loved ones to focus on celebrating the life lived rather than being burdened with decision-making during a time of grief ^[1]^[14].
Financial and Emotional Relief:
1. Financial Planning: By opting to pre-plan, individuals can pre-pay for funeral expenses, securing today’s prices and protecting against future cost increases. This foresight not only eases the financial burden on loved ones but also ensures that any remaining assets can be preserved for heirs ^[15]^[16].
2. Emotional Considerations: Pre-planning mitigates the risk of disagreements or conflicts among family members, fostering a sense of unity and shared purpose in honouring the deceased’s wishes. It removes the pressure of making hasty, potentially costly decisions under emotional distress, thereby preserving harmony within the family ^[15].
Personalisation and Communication:
- Reflecting Personal Values: Pre-planning a humanist funeral allows for a service that genuinely mirrors the deceased’s life, personality, career, hobbies, and passions. This customisation ensures that the ceremony is a sincere reflection of the individual, making it more meaningful for attendees ^[22].
- Fostering Open Discussions: Initiating meaningful conversations about end-of-life decisions can be a profound gift to loved ones. It not only provides peace of mind to the individual by ensuring their wishes are understood and will be honoured but also encourages open communication within families, helping them navigate through grief with mutual support and understanding ^[19]^[23].

In essence, pre-planning a humanist funeral transcends the practical aspects of arranging a ceremony. It stands as a thoughtful and considerate gesture towards one’s family, offering them clarity, relief, and the opportunity to celebrate a life in a manner that truly resonates with the deceased’s values and beliefs ^[17]^[18]^[19].

Choosing a Location for Your Humanist Funeral

Choosing the right location for a humanist funeral is essential in ensuring the ceremony aligns with the values and preferences of the deceased and their loved ones. Here is a breakdown of possible venues for holding a humanist funeral or memorial service:

Traditional and Natural Settings:
- Crematorium or Cemetery: Common choices that provide a sense of formality and tradition. These venues can accommodate humanist ceremonies that focus on celebrating the life of the deceased without religious elements ^[10]^[13].
- Green Burial Sites: Cater to those who prefer an environmentally friendly option, allowing the funeral to harmonise with nature ^[10]^[13].
Personal and Meaningful Locations:
- At Home: Offers a personal and intimate setting, making the ceremony more comforting for the family and close friends ^[10].
- Favourite Places: Holding the ceremony in a location that was loved by the deceased, such as a park, woodland, or even their favourite restaurant, adds a unique and heartfelt touch to the service [29].
Non-Traditional Venues:
- Public or Private Spaces: Venues like town halls, hotels, public parks, pubs, or restaurants can be chosen for their significance to the deceased or their capacity to accommodate guests comfortably ^[28].
- Beach or Outdoors: For those who loved the outdoors, a ceremony on the beach or in a scenic outdoor setting can be a beautiful tribute to their life and passions ^[28].

Memorial ceremonies, which may occur without a coffin and can be more flexible in format, also offer a wide range of venue options. These can be held in any place of relevance, from a family home to more unconventional locations like a beach, allowing for a deeply personal and reflective tribute to the deceased ^[10].

In summary, the flexibility in choosing a venue for humanist funerals and memorials ensures that the ceremony can genuinely reflect the individuality of the deceased and the preferences of their loved ones. Whether opting for a traditional setting or a place with personal significance, the key is to select a location that feels right and honours the life and values of the person being remembered ^[10]^[13]^[28]^[29].

The Role of a Humanist Celebrant

In the realm of humanist ceremonies, the role of a humanist celebrant is pivotal in shaping a ceremony that reflects the personal values and life story of the individuals involved. The celebrant’s responsibilities are tailored to ensure the ceremony is as meaningful and personalised as possible.

Funerals:
- Understanding the Deceased’s Life: By engaging with family and friends, the celebrant gathers insights into the deceased’s life and legacy to craft a personalized ceremony ^[5].
- Pre-Planning Assistance: The celebrant guides the pre-planning process, discussing elements like music, readings, and participants to align the service with the deceased’s wishes ^[24].
- Secure Storage of Wishes: Wishes are securely stored, ensuring they can be honoured accurately, even if the original celebrant is unavailable ^[2].
- Welcoming a New Member: Celebrants meet with families to discuss hopes and wishes for the child’s future, creating a ceremony that celebrates the new addition to the family ^[5].

Humanist celebrants, trained and accredited by Humanist Society Scotland, uphold the highest professional standards, ensuring each ceremony is conducted with care and respect for the individual’s preferences and beliefs ^[5]. Their role extends beyond mere ceremony facilitation; they embody the humanist values of empathy, individuality, and a deep respect for human connections, making each ceremony a genuine reflection of the person or people at its heart.

Personalising Your Ceremony

Personalising a humanist funeral ceremony offers a unique opportunity to celebrate the life and legacy of the deceased in a way that truly reflects their individuality. Here are some ways to incorporate personal touches into the ceremony:

Life Story and Anecdotes: Begin with a narrative that captures the essence of the deceased’s life story, complemented by memorable anecdotes. This could include tales of their adventures, achievements, and the love they shared with those around them ^[2].
Music and Readings:
- Music: Select songs that were meaningful to the deceased or that express their personality. This could range from their favourite tunes to music that evokes memories of them. Encourage attendees to sing along or even dance if it feels appropriate, creating a moment of shared joy and remembrance ^[29].
- Readings and Poems: Choose readings or poems that either the deceased loved or that reflect their life or interests. Whether it’s a piece they often quoted or one that brings comfort and laughter, this adds a deeply personal layer to the ceremony ^[29].
Visual Tributes and Symbolic Acts:
- Photos and Videos: Display photos and videos at different stages of the deceased’s life, from childhood to more recent times. A slideshow or photo montage can play on a screen, offering a visual journey through their life and highlighting moments of joy, accomplishment, and love ^[29].
- Symbolic Acts: Incorporate activities or elements that the person enjoyed, such as a display of their artwork, a showcase of their hobbies, or even a tasting of their favourite foods. This not only personalizes the ceremony but also allows attendees to experience a piece of what the deceased loved ^[29].
Dress Code and Sharing Memories:
- Dress Code: Opt for a more relaxed dress code if it reflects the deceased’s style or preferences. Encourage friends and family to wear bright colours, the deceased’s favourite colour, or even attire that represents their hobby or passion, such as the jersey of their favourite sports team [29].
- Sharing Memories: An ‘open mic’ session can be a heartwarming addition. Anyone who wishes can share a memory, tell a story, or simply express their feelings about the deceased. This communal sharing can be a powerful way to honour the individual’s impact on the lives of others ^[29].

By thoughtfully selecting each element of the ceremony, from the music and readings to the visual tributes and dress code, the service becomes a heartfelt celebration of the deceased’s life, embodying their spirit and the joy they brought to those around them ^[2]^[29].

Ceremony Ideas and Inspiration

Exploring eco-friendly options and the concept of a Celebration of Life offers fresh perspectives on memorial ceremonies. These ideas cater to individuals seeking alternatives to traditional funerals, focusing on environmental care and personalisation.

Eco-Friendly Funeral Options:
- Biodegradable Urns or Coffins: Choosing materials that naturally decompose, contributing less to environmental degradation ^[11].
- Tree Planting Ceremonies: Instead of traditional markers, a tree is planted in memory of the deceased, symbolizing life and growth ^[11].
- Natural Burial Sites: Utilising spaces that allow for the body to decompose naturally without embalming chemicals, in harmony with the ecosystem ^[11].
Celebration of Life Ideas:
1. Memory Sharing: Encouraging guests to share stories and memories, fostering a sense of community and collective remembrance ^[11].
2. Themed Decorations: Reflecting the hobbies or passions of the deceased, such as using their favourite colours or incorporating elements of their favourite pastime [11].
3. Interactive Memorials: Creating spaces where attendees can write messages on stones or notes to be kept or scattered as part of the ceremony ^[11].

Both eco-friendly options and the Celebration of Life ceremonies offer meaningful ways to honour the deceased while respecting individual values and the environment. These ideas not only provide comfort to grieving families but also ensure that the final farewell is a true reflection of the deceased’s life and legacy ^[11].

The Process of Pre-Planning with a Celebrant

The process of pre-planning a funeral with a humanist celebrant is a thoughtful and detailed procedure designed to ensure the ceremony reflects the true essence of the individual’s life and values. Here’s a breakdown of the steps involved:

Initial Planning and Documentation:
- Writing Down Plans: The first step involves the individual writing down their funeral plans, capturing their wishes and preferences for the ceremony ^[8].
- Sharing with a Confidant: These written plans are then shared with a close family member or friend, ensuring that someone besides the individual is aware of their final wishes ^[8].
- Recording and Secure Storage: The wishes are recorded and securely stored, safeguarding the details for when they are needed ^[2].
Collaboration with a Celebrant:
- Gathering Information: The person for whom the ceremony will be held provides most of the necessary information, which includes personal anecdotes, preferred music, readings, and any specific elements they wish to include in the ceremony ^[1].
- Agreeing on Structure: Together with the humanist celebrant, the individual agrees on the structure of the ceremony, ensuring it aligns with their values and preferences ^[1].
- Humanist Funeral Tribute Archive: Tributes are saved in the Humanist Funeral Tribute Archive for posterity, offering a way to honour the individual’s memory beyond the ceremony itself ^[1].
Financial and Operational Details:
- Celebrant’s Fee: The fee charged by the celebrant reflects the level of service required, ensuring families are aware of the costs involved ^[2].
- Inclusion in Funeral Invoice: Typically, the celebrant’s fee is paid by the funeral director and included in the funeral invoice, simplifying the payment process for the family ^[7].
- Coordination with Funeral Director: The funeral director plays a crucial role in arranging for the humanist celebrant to get in touch with the client to discuss the service, facilitating a smooth planning process ^[7].

This structured approach not only ensures that the ceremony is a true reflection of the individual’s life and values but also simplifies the process for the grieving family, providing comfort and clarity during a difficult time.

Conclusion

Throughout this article, the profound significance of pre-planning a funeral from a humanist perspective has been thoroughly examined, highlighting the value of personalisation, financial foresight, and emotional consideration that accompanies such preparations. The role of humanist celebrants in crafting ceremonies that authentically reflect the deceased’s life and values further underscores the meaningful departure from traditional religious rituals, offering families a way to celebrate their loved ones in a manner that is both genuine and deeply personal.

As we conclude, it is evident that pre-planning a humanist funeral is not merely an act of logistical preparation but a compassionate gesture towards one’s family, providing them with peace, clarity, and a path to celebrate life in its authenticity at a time of loss. By embracing this approach, individuals not only ensure that their final wishes are honored but also gift their loved ones with a ceremony that evokes reflection, celebrates individuality, and fosters a collective sense of closure and commemoration.

FAQs

What does a humanistic approach to funerals entail?
A humanistic funeral is a ceremony that is non-religious and focuses on the individual. It is conducted by a celebrant and aims to honor the deceased with dignity while celebrating their life and legacy. This type of service acknowledges the deep sadness of parting while also commemorating the unique life of the person who has passed away.

What role does a humanist play during a funeral service?
At a humanist funeral, the celebrant typically leads a service that may include personal readings, songs, and a eulogy dedicated to the deceased. Attendees are free to select meaningful readings or music, such as a cherished poem or a passage from a beloved book. The centerpiece of the ceremony is the tribute to the individual who has died, reflecting on their life and impact.

Is it advisable to pre-plan a funeral?
Yes, pre-planning a funeral is considered beneficial as it significantly reduces the burden on your family during a time of grief. By organizing the details of your funeral in advance, you provide clear instructions and preferences, which allows your family to focus on supporting each other rather than making arrangements and decisions about funeral details.

How does one go about organizing a humanist funeral?
Speak to Humanist Society Scotland or tell your local funeral director that you wish to have a humanist celebrant.

References